Negotiated Latitude is the singularity of all relationships.
Each day, we interact with our environment. We “negotiate latitude” with the different players, such as other humans, things, causes, animals, organizations, cultures, authorities, etc. In each case, we can initiate exchanges or be unsolicited recipients of transactions. When we offer an exchange to the ecosystem, we expect a response. When we process the response (or lack of one), we apply our lens, update a dyadic ledger to each transaction sender/receiver, and decide our level of commitment. This commitment ledger will drive future decisions and the processing of transactions.
As we make positive exchanges, we begin to trust the player. This trust can be quickly gained based on the transaction’s perceived pleasure level. We tend to repeat patronage to a restaurant where we had a great meal. If we had a bad meal after many good ones, we would likely return readily, assuming it was an anomaly. Now imagine the first meal was substandard. We might suspend the relationship and not return. This lack of offering a second chance is higher if the result is an upset stomach versus a lackluster flavor. The adage, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression,” rings true.
Negotiated Latitude purports that if we trust them enough, we will allow them the “latitude” to make some decisions for us. If they go too far, we quickly adjust the ledger to be more conservative with those privileges. Countless examples demonstrate this principle of negotiated Latitude: a childhood friend who is no longer a friend; a current or ex-spouse; the good boss who took the blame and shared the praise; a co-worker who covered a shift or betrayed a trust. Each of these examples shows how Latitude was negotiated through the ledger. As additional transactions are processed, we adjust the ledger for each relationship or dyad.
Well, that was simple. Not so fast! I mentioned several things we will need to explore further. First, the concept of our “lens” is important and includes our chemistry, biology, geography, environment, ecology, and relationship strength of the transaction sender or receiver (ledger balance). Next, we view the transactions of others, which may cause us to reevaluate the value we place on a similar transaction. We also construct archetypes to help us grade new transaction sources. Timing also plays a role. The first transactions are the most important in establishing a relationship, and the most recent ones are important in maintaining one. The human algorithm has many components; we will get to them in future posts.
Stay tuned; there is more to come!
Dr. Dave
Originally published on DrawNoBoxes.Substack.Com on 2/19/2023